After having four kids in two short (VERY short years) we truly thought our family was complete. But God had other plans!
Our family of 6
On March 15, 2010 I posted the following blog:
What this…….
Plus this……..
And of course this……..
All have to do with my new banner?
So, a few weeks ago when I did a post about my birthday, I kinda held out on ya……I got another gift…….. a very important gift………a gift that, aside from seeing my little bed bugs all snuggled up in my bed, was the best gift EVER! Stephen gave me this poem:
We were talking one night
About our dreams of a family
And what size was “just right”.
I said, “four or five”
You said, “five or six”
So it only seems good
To take the number betwixtYou’ve prayed and you’ve prayed
For me to get my butt going
To want another child—
Our children are fast growing!But I just wasn’t sure
I could handle any more
Even though God’s provided
With our wonderful four!But as I learn to depend
On God every day
He’s giving me confidence
And the desire to say“Sarah, not only is it
A good thing to do
But having another child
Is what I want too.”
And God answered that prayer!! Of course if I was God I would have answered my prayers months ago, but God used those months to grow me in learning contentment and to grow our family in learning more about serving each other.Ok, so I’ll admit it……my heart is pulled to adoption. Even when I found out that I was pregnant with Ben, there was a teensy-weensy part of me that was sad…….don’t get me wrong…..I would not trade my Ben-boy for any other baby and I’m very thankful that God allowed me the opportunity to experience pregnancy……..but……..there is something about adoption that just captures my heart. And I am so thankful that God is giving us the privilege of adopting again.So here’s the rest of the scoop. We are adopting domestically and are using the same placing agency that we used for Natalie’s adoption (Love them!!). We are in the process of re-doing our home-study……third time’s a charm!!
Which will also explain why I’ve not really blogged in over a month……paperwork takes T-I-M-E! We have gotten all of our paperwork sent to our home-study agency and they are reviewing it and hopefully we will meet with our social worker soon….I’m praying for a meeting next week, but that might be a little too optimistic.Once our home-study is completed than our placing agency can start to show our family profile to birthmoms and we wait. We didn’t actually have a waiting time with Natalie, sooooo I’ve never waited with kids at home…….we waited for Jeremiah’s referral for 7 months, but we had no kids. So the waiting will be a little different this time around. But God knows our baby. He know when he or she will be born. And as we wait we are praying……… praying for our baby’s birthfamily………praying that we will be ready for what God has in store for our family…….praying that we will bond with our new baby…….And the girls are praying for a baby sister for Natalie.
Psalm 62:5: “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.”
It all started with a dream. It’s so strange…..I always seem to have dreams about adoption….. nothing else. I try to write down the dreams because there are always parts in my dream that “come true” or turn out to be significant. I had forgotten about this dream that I had two years ago tonight…..I only remember the date because it was my brother’s birthday. So tonight I hunted back through my journal and WOW! I know this is the place I need to start Jadyn’s story of Hope!!
August 16th 2009 (6 months before we started the paperwork and long before our daughter was even thought of by us!)
Last night I had a dream. I dreamed that Stephen and I were getting ready to leave for Memphis and were debating if Natalie should come with us or not. And should we drive or fly. I’m not sure what we did because the next thing I remember was walking into LC (our agency) with another family and waiting to meet with Sue (the CEO of our agency). While we were waiting I noticed in this glassed in room there was an Aisin woman holding a baby wrapped in a pink and white blanket. As soon as I saw her I knew that she was our daughter’s birthmom. We were waiting and waiting to sign the papers with Sue but the other family got to go first. While we were waiting the woman got up and left. When Sue came back we told her that the birthmom had left, but Sue was not at all concerned. She said, “that’s ok because I have profiles of other kids for you to look at.” We started looking at the profiles, but the other kids were boys and we knew that we were having a girl. So we decided that we would wait at our agency for the Birthmom to come back. We waited and waited. Then it was Sunday morning and the birthmom was at the door. And then I woke up.
We did all the paperwork (which considering this is our fourth time…..it felt pretty simple) and then we waited. Every few months we would get an email or phone call asking if we wanted our profile shown to an expectant mama and every time we said yes and every single time the baby was a little BOY. And every time the expectant mama chose to parent her baby………we waited for 17 months and 17 days and on Wednesday August 3, 2011 our waiting ended!
Hebrews 11:1: “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”
Only God can knit families together. Only God in his wisdom can take children from around the world and build a family of 7 people together in one home. Time, space and geography do not hinder Him. As Carlos said last night, “we have two African, two Guatemalan, and one British (not completely accurate, but we’ll take em, all five).
I’m pretty sure that 24 hours later I’m still in shock…..God has given us a baby!! I know I’ve already said that about ten times, but it just feels so surreal. Last night, every few minutes I would look at Stephen and say, “we have a baby!!” Honestly, it felt like this day would never arrive, although I imagined it many times in my head.
“Dear Jesus, thank you for bringing Baby Hope. Amen” That’s the prayer that Ben prayed at dinner last night. Our baby Hope…..our very own little baby!! Wow, what a day.
I’m sure you might be wondering……is Baby Hope a boy or a girl? I thought I might keep you in suspense for a while, but that’s totally mean, so I won’t!
BOY or GIRL
I’m really thinking PINK!
GIRL!
I’m so excited that Natalie will have a sister! I love my sisters so much and so wanted Natalie to have that experience of a sister bond……brothers are great, but there’s something so special about sisters.
There’s so much to share, but we are still in the legal risk period…..meaning the waiting period has not been completed yet. Last night we were explaining to the kids that Baby Hope’s birthmom could choose to parent Baby Hope and she would not be able to come and live with us. After explaining as simply as possible Carlos said, “Well you know mom, in the movie Facing the Giants (my kids ALL TIME favorite movie), the coach said, if we win we will praise God and if we lose we will praise God. I think that’s what we should do. If baby Hope gets to come home we should praise God and if she doesn’t get to come home we should praise God.” Out of the mouths of babes!
And so that’s what we will do……praise God for this new life!
Born July 24th
7 pounds and 14 oz
Cut as a button!!
I wrote the following post in September 2011
Saturday September 10, 2011
Don’t you just love looking back and seeing how God changes your heart? It’s truly amazing to me. When Stephen and I started this journey into parenthood via adoption 7 years ago this month (yes, I can’t believe it either), we were so young and stupid…..ok maybe that’s being a little harsh on my younger skinnier self, but we really had no idea and we were completely terrified.
We weren’t scared to be parents (though we should have been). We were fearful of our child’s birthfamily……literally terrified. I can honestly say that I thought of our soon-to-be-son’s birthfamily as the “enemy” (of sorts). It’s easy to have those kinds of thoughts about a person you’ve never met and only know about from horror stories……not them personally, but birthparents as a category of people.
Because of that fear we choose international adoption. We wanted NOTHING, no contact of any sort, NOTHING to do with our child’s birthparents and we thought the best option for us would be international adoption……a done deal and never look back. It never occurred to us that every day our child would be a reminder of the sacrificial love of their birth mom. And it never occurred to us that we would be parenting a child who has/had actual memories of his birthfamily. Wow, we were so naïve. But you know, I never thought that I would have such a love and respect for three beautiful woman who I‘ve never met, but I see glimpses of in the faces of my children every day.
It didn’t happen overnight. I remember a few days after we got Jeremiah’s referral from Guatemala via email, we received a package in the mail with a “social report” and picture of his birthmom. That night as I read about her life and looked at her photo, with tears pouring down my cheeks, I realized that this was a real person. This was not an enemy. This was a woman who loved my son enough to give life to him……we both loved the same child and wanted the same thing……the best for him!
Slowly, slowly my heart began to change.
But it wasn’t until months later as we were wading through the mire of learning to be parents to a 4.5 year old and a 7 month old that birthfamilies came once again into a new light. It must have been about the time when Carlos had surgery to remove 15 very rotted teeth (poor little guy had the WORST teeth I’ve EVER seen in the mouth of a 4 year old) and we had a conversation about tooth brushes. He admitted that before coming to Hannah’s Hope (orphanage) he had never used a tooth brush before…….this was not my “well, duh” moment. But it’s what happened after……he asked if we could mail a tooth brush to his birth family. I realized that my little son still thought about his birthfamily…..they were still a part of his life even from a distance. And it felt right……right because they were and are part of who he is! And no matter what I want my children to know that we are their parents, but that their birthfamily is their family too!
Well time marched on and I soon realized that a two page report was not much when you have a child asking for information about his birthfamily. And I found myself longing for CONTACT! How great it would be to get a few answers…….just a few. But there are no answers……at least not yet. And so I pour over reports hunting for tidbits to share with my boys and now with my girls. Oh I know that birthparent-adoptive parent relationships can be very difficult to navigate, but how awesome it would be to say to my kids, “well, let’s just write a letter and ask your birthmom”.
Fast forward to last September…….actually September first. It’s late and I’m checking my email one last time before going to bed. My heart skips a beat…….the subject line……”Possible Match”……… And there was the email. Years ago I had registered on the Guatemala Sibling Yahoo group, “Just in case” my boys had a birth sibling. And now more than four years later we are about to have contact with their biological brother. Weeks of emails, info sharing and pictures passed between E’s adoptive mom and me. We wanted to be sure as sure before telling our boys.
Meeting Carlos and Jeremiah’s bio brother E in August 2011
But actually I need to back up a bit……September 30, 2010.
Sometimes things happen and you never quite forget where you were or what was happening during that memorable event. That would like today, just a normal Thursday shopping trip! I remember sitting at the stop light at Walmart…..our shopping trip was done and I noticed I had a new message on my phone. I quickly dialed my voice mail and typed in the password. As I was listening to the message I noticed a huge pile of trash filling up the turning lane…and randomly thought…..wow, wonder what happened there.
My message said, “hi Sarah, this is Judy from Life Choices. Listen, I have something that I wanted to talk with you about…..I’ll be in the office today until 2 and then tomorrow after 1 PM.”
I was super curious as to what Judy needed to talk about, but it really did not sound like THE call. I tried not to get too excited, but I could not wait to call Judy back!
The news Judy had for us completely blew me away!
In April of this year, Life Choices became licensed in Mississippi. So Judy and Amanda have been traveling around Mississippi talking with attorneys and pregnancy centers in the area. Well, Judy received a call from one of the attorneys asking if LC could do a home study for one of his clients. This single mom had taken custody of a baby girl 12 years ago, but never formalize or legalized the adoption and she needed a home study so that could be done. Well, when Judy saw the original birth certificate, she recognized the birthmom’s name and sure enough……this young girl and Natalie are birth sisters!
Wow, I was just overwhelmed. The first day of this month we learn about our boy’s birth brother and now Natalie’s birth sister. Amazing!!
Funny that September 2010 was the month of “finding” and August 2011 was the month of “meeting”.
Natalie and Katie meeting in August 2011
Ok, back to the rest of Jadyn’s story of Hope!!
Thursday August 10, 2011
The day I’ve been waiting for has arrived. I’ve felt so nervous and excited all at the same time. My head is just swimming with thoughts and honestly I think I’m still in shock a tiny bit! I have another daughter. A birthmom picked our family!! I cannot wait to meet my new baby girl. Thoughts of what will she really look like in person. How will her hair feel, her skin. What will her personality be like. And in the back of my mind there’s still at times moments of doubt…….how can I be a mommy to five little ones. What will our future look like with Jadyn. And the immediate doubt of “what if her birthmom changes her mind”. If I’m honest with myself, that has been in the back of my mind for days. And if she did, I could not fault her…….what a loss and a grief she must be feeling. Even now as I’m rejoicing I cannot help but feel so much sadness for Mama J. To carry in her womb for 41 weeks a precious baby…….to feel the kick of tiny feet against her ribs…….to feel hiccups……and to hold the sweet baby girl you know that you will be saying good-bye too…….what agony.
My mind has been swirling with emotions. The past few nights there has been very little sleep and I can’t eat. My tummy feels all a jitter and I have no ability to concentrate!! Great way to start this new parenting journey right?!?!?
Since we are unsure if our ICPC will be approved this week……we are hopeful, but it might not be done until Monday……..we have decided not to risk it with flying, but to drive. And we will be taking Natalie with us. We decided to do that for a couple of reasons. First, I thought it would be very special for Natalie to been at placement ceremony. And I thought it would be great to surprise Jim and Renee, so I did not tell Renee that she was coming. And the last reason was……I was so hoping that Natalie and Katie could meet……if Kathy and Katie were open to meeting. It’s hard to tell when we will be going back to Memphis and this felt like the perfect time. Natalie’s my best little traveler, so bringing her along on our trip was no trouble at all.
The driving part of our trip went pretty smoothly and we arrived in Memphis about 11:30 pm local time. We got all checked into the hotel and after checking Facebook and email…..total essentials, we went to bed. But we did get a great email from Judy saying that we had received the verbal approval from Virginia…….so the ICPC part is completed and we can go home whenever we want after placement. Yippee! Praise God. What a blessing.
Friday August 12, 2011
Today is the day we get to meet Jadyn! Boy oh boy, I can’t wait. Maybe I should have said, Girl oh girl, I can’t wait!! I did not sleep too good last night…….too excited.
The afternoon crept on and it was finally time to go meet our baby girl…..yay!
I had wanted Natalie to ring the doorbell at Renee’s house, but she fell asleep in the car on the way the Jim and Renee’s, so she was still waking up and not very interested in going to the door all alone, so we all walked in together. Judy answered the door and almost gave away our surprise, by saying Natalie’s name, but she covered up and backtracked really fast. We all went into the living room and Renee brought out Jadyn. She was absolutely beautiful! Stephen got to hold her first, since I was holding Natalie and we all got to admire her!
Jadyn was so wide awake and alert. Finally it was my turn to snuggle my baby girl. Jadyn just kept gazing into my face as if to say, “let me have a good look at YOU mommy!” She was so little and sweet! Natalie was also checking out her new sister. She took a turn holding Jadyn and just grinned from ear to ear!!
We didn’t have that long to love on our baby because she had a doctor’s appointment at 3:20. The doctor was just great and talked with us a little about Jadyn’s hernia……it’s possible that she might have to have it surgically repaired, but probably it will correct all on its own. Jadyn weighed 9 pounds and 6 ounces, so she’s been growing, growing!
Once the doctor’s visit was done we headed back to Jim and Renee’s house to do the paperwork and have the placement. It was hard to concentrate on paperwork when my baby was just in the next room. But Renee took her to get all dolled up in the pretty white dress for placement and we had to sign papers.
Jim and Renee’s daughter-in-law handing Jadyn to me.
Judy started the placement ceremony by reading Psalm 139:13-16
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
She then talked about how God had a plan for Mama J, Jadyn and for our family and that in His perfect time the plan came about. She said that J chose our family because we looked like such sweet people.
Sue actually spent a lot of time with J, so then she shared the story about how she came to Life Choices.
The placement ceremony was so emotional. What a gift we have been given in this tiny bundle of joy called Jadyn Hope. And what a sacrifice Mama J has made to allow us to parent this beautiful baby girl.
Then it was time to be presented with Jadyn. Keaton and Jana brought her in to us! Even though we had already met her, it was still so special to see our baby girl again all decked out in the exact same dress that Natalie wore at her placement. And we got to ooh and aaah over her all over again!
Judy and Sue had to leave soon after that, but we were spending the night with Jim and Renee, so we go to spend wonderful hours of fellowship with them. We had a very leisurely dinner (Pizza) and Renee spoiled on Natalie…..reading books and painting fingernails. And I got to spoil on Jadyn. We stayed up late talking and just enjoying being with the Smiths and then it was finally time for bed. Jadyn slept really well……she was right at home in her “own” bed, so nothing much had changed for her except who was feeding her during the night. It was so wonderful (in a strange way) to be getting up in the middle of the night again for feedings. It really was so much nicer staying with Jim and Renee than staying in a hotel.
Our much beloved Papa Jim and Mama Renee
Sunday August 14, 2011
Today is Jadyn’s forever family day…..the day we arrived home and started our family as a family of seven. I can hardly believe that we have a daughter. I just keep pinching myself to see if it could possibly be true!! We had a slow morning (Stephen let me sleep in, which was wonderful) and everyone took turns holding and feeding Jadyn. Ben is very adamant that the baby is NOT Jadyn, but Baby Hope and he will correct anyone who calls her Jadyn……it’s really quite funny. The boys are all so loving and kind to their new sister. Carlos sat on the couch for almost 2 hours this afternoon just holding sleeping Jadyn Hope. After a while he look up at me and said, “mommy, holding this baby is just so pleasant”. And how true that is!! Jadyn is the most pleasant baby EVER.
A family of 7 together at last!
House of Smooches 