C & J’s Adoption
We had The Plan….kinda like a 5 year business plan……only it was more like our 5 year marriage and family plan. It never really occurred to me that The Plan wouldn’t work out because of infertility. I always thought The Plan would have to be tweaked because….surprise……. it’s a positive pregnancy test!
So our Plan. Get married. Purchase our first home. Take a trip to England/Scotland. Get pregnant. Sounded pretty good to me!
September 2001 – we got married
March 2003 – Traveled to Europe
July 2003 – Purchased our first home
So according to The Plan we should be getting a positive pregnancy test any day……but any day turned into months……and months turned into over a year. And over a year turned into month after month of charting and testing and trying. Nothing was wrong, but nothing was right.
In June 2004 I started to search the internet for adoption related information. Stephen and I had talked about adoption in the past. We talked about it even before we were married. We both felt that one day God would grow our family through adoption….it’s just The Plan……it said, get married, buy house, travel, get pregnant AND then adopt, but that was way down the line….way beyond the five year plan. But I was weary. Our marriage was starting to really suffer. I was becoming obsessed with getting pregnant. I needed to step back…..evaluate. Was I looking for just a pregnancy or was my heart longing for a baby?
I contacted an international adoption agency that I found on the website of Family Life Today. This agency was called All God’s Children. I received their packet of information in June (2004) and was so excited to read all about their programs and how long the adoptions took (that was a major point for me). I was pretty blown away at the cost. I just could not believe the expense of international adoptions. So I started to look for other agencies. I went a little crazy…searching, searching, searching…….I contacted 15 to 20 more agencies!!
Stephen and I had a lot of talks about adopting, but he was not really open to the idea, yet. On the other hand, I was getting kind of excited about the possibility, but I did not want to pressure him into a decision.
I did not realize it, but I had a lot of grieving, struggling, anguishing and accepting to do before God gave His peace. Seeing pregnant women was especially hard for me. I even stopped going to the mall on my lunch break. It seemed like every time I went to the mall I would see a young pregnant girl and it would make me so mad and sad. Sometimes I would wonder why God allowed this young girl to become a mom and yet He was withholding that gift from me. I knew in my head that God is sovereign and in control, but sometimes in my heart it made no sense. Why? Why?
One of my friends from church loaned me a book. To this day I do not know the title of that book, but God used it for healing and refreshing in my life. I remember that I started reading the book on Sunday afternoon and read the entire book! I had to stop reading many times because I was crying so hard. I don’t remember exactly what was so helpful, but I just remember feeling as if I would survive. And not just survive, but find joy and hope.
So the weeks were zooming past and I was still going for monthly visits to see my doctor….trying to figure out what was going on with my crazy body. One night in mid-July, Stephen and I were sitting on the couch and out of the blue Stephen says, “I would like to look into the possibility of adopting.” YES!! I was sooooooooooo excited. After that night Stephen and I started talking more and more about adoption, but not just talking, we started praying together asking God what He would have us to do.
Stephen and I agreed…….August 31st. We put down The Plan and took up His Plan.
The Paperwork
Ok so just a bit of clarification about The Plan. I don’t think having plans or dreams are bad or wrong or sinful. I think our plans go awry when we stop seeking His face and learning what His plan might be for our life. Obviously God intended for our family to grow through adoption and if we had held adamantly to “our plan” than I believe we would have been sinning. Desiring biological children is not a sin. Children are a gift. God gives us heart desires. He gave me the desire for children…..biological or not. God’s time is also perfect. Both Stephen and I needed time to grieve, to grow and to learn before we started on our new journey.
On Friday September the 3rd we started looking over the information from each of the top three agencies that I had selected. After reading over all the information together, Stephen and I decided that All God’s Children was our agency of choice! Which is slightly ironic to me. They were the first agency I contacted and from the very beginning I loved their heart and the way they operated.
September 10th, we sent in our application fee!! We were on our way to adopt a little boy from Guatemala!!
Why Guatemala? It was simple…..adoptions were done quickly (that’s very relative, but quickly for international adoption) and most babies were about 6 months old when they arrived home (that was important to me….I so wanted a baby). We met all the country requirements. Stephen’s family line is Hispanic. And I just could not get the beautiful faces of those Guatemalan children out of my head!!
September, October and November were pretty much covered over with adoption paperwork: Homestudy autobiographies, referral letters, criminal background checks, physicals, DMV checks, meetings with social workers, …..paperwork, paperwork, paperwork…..until I felt like I was suffocating in paperwork! But I knew the paper pile was needed for the end result and wow oh wow, I excited for that end result. Our agency said that the waiting time after our dossier (paperwork) was completed was 6-7 months.
Once we decided to adopt, it seemed as if Satin was out to get us. We knew that adopting would cost a lot of money, but as soon as we made our decision, everything started to breakdown!! In late August, Stephen’s truck had to have almost $2,000.00 worth of repairs done, then the starter had to be replaced, then our basement flooded and we had to call in a plumber to fix the problem. It seemed that instead of being able to save money, we were spending it left and right!! I remember feeling so frustrated…..how would we ever have the funds we needed. God used the financial side of adoption to really work on my heart. When we started the process we did not have the money…..and you know when we arrived home from Guatemala with our two precious boys we had less than $200.00 to our name…….But God provided every last penny, at just the right time, not too soon and never too late!!
On Tuesday December the 27th we were on the waiting list for a baby boy at #33!!
I wrote the following in my journal:
January 16th – “Tonight, Stephen and I went out to Wal-Mart and I bought my first baby item, a huge bag of size 3 diapers!! Wow, I am so excited. I doubt diapers will ever make me this excited again , but it was such a great feeling. I am actually buying something for our son.”
Drama at Immigration
In February we were #28 on the waiting list……and our finger prints were forever on file with the government.
Friday February 18th – FBI finger printing day! We finally received our appointment day to do our federal fingerprints…..the last step before we can be granted our FDL…..Favorable Determination Letter……the final step. I tend to be a tiny bit camera happy. And this day was no exception. This was a monumental day for us and I wanted pictures of it!! And as soon as we entered the building I checked…..not a single sign stating that cameras were forbidden……. There were signs saying no food or drinks, no talking on cell phones and stuff like that, but nothing about taking pictures!
We filled out a few forms, got a number and waited some more. They called Stephen’s number first, so he went to the front of the room where several computers were set up and the girl started to do his fingerprints. They didn’t use ink, but you put your fingers on a glass mouse pad like area and your print shows up on the screen.
Stephen had the camera around his neck and this man walks over to him and says in this authoritative and nasty tone, “what are you doing?” Well Stephen was just standing there waiting for the girl to finish typing in the info so he said, “Standing here”. Well, the guy started lambasting Stephen about the camera and said that pictures were not allowed and not to take anymore. I was so scared he would confiscate my camera or worse throw us out and refuse to do our prints!! Sadly we did not get any more pictures (and I felt terrible that Stephen got the lecture since I am the camera happy one), but we were not about to argue. The entire time all I could think was that they would refuse to take our pints because we broke the rule and brought our camera…..the unwritten rule that was not posted anywhere on the building or the paperwork!!!!!
After a little while, they called my number and I went and had my prints done. The man doing my prints hardly spoke any English and he understood about as much as he spoke! He did ask if I was adopting 2 or 3 children, but I assured him that we were adopting only one! This part of the story is so hilarious to me. This man asked better than he knew! Only God knew that our one would turn into His two!
The only two criminal pictures that I had the chance to take:
X Marks the Spot
And speaking of two……….We said, NEVER would we adopt two at one time (that was just crazy) and NEVER would we adopt an “older” child (that was just too hard). Yes, Stephen and I really did say these things to each other. Adopting two at once was fine for other families. Adopting older children was fine for other families. But, not us……. no sir…… we were waiting on one baby boy!!
In March we were #23 on the waiting list.
In April we were #18 on the waiting list.
Lots of events happened during those months, but nothing really adoption related.
In May we were #16 on the waiting list.
Three months after we were finger printed (Tuesday May 17th) we received a message on our answering machine from CIS letting us know that we should receive our FDL in the next few days! One step closer to our little baby!
We did receive our FDL in the mail just a few days later….but it was wrong! Our agency recommend all their clients request approval for 2 children regardless if they only planning to adopt one child. Our letter stated approval for one. Stephen was find with that…..he said, “who cares Sarah, we’re only adopting one baby. It really does not matter.” But for some reason it really mattered to me. We asked for 2 and we should get 2!! Part of the reason I so adamantly wanted the document corrected was that we had waited for over 3 months on a single piece of paper…….it was ridiculous to me….they had 4 boxes to check and got 1 out of the 4 wrong…… Grrrrrr…….So I contacted CIS and let them know that the document they sent was incorrect and that we would like it corrected. Looking back, I can see God’s hand clearly…..while we intended for one He intended for two.
In June we were #9 on the waiting list.
In June we also received a phone call from our case worker. We had talked with her several times over the past 6 months, but this time she was calling to let us know that three precious baby boys (all about three months old) had arrived at Hannah’s Hope and would we like to see their referral paperwork. This decision was pure agony. Should we veer from the course of a teeny-tiny baby and accept a referral of an “older” infant? I knew one thing…..if I saw a picture I would not be able to say “no”!
It was agony, but in the end we decided to stick with our original decision of teeny-tiny baby. It is slightly crazy to think that we could have had a different child in our home today. Actually if we were just a few years older our son would be Asian. Now that’s a super crazy thought! Really and truly China would have been our first choice…..except we were only 25 when we started the paperwork and China requires you to be at least 30! And although it’s mind boggling to sit around thinking of all the “what ifs”, the truth is……with God there is no “what if”. He planned, He orchestrated, He brought it to pass. And with God “all things work together for good.”
In July we were #2 on the waiting list.
A family of two……not anymore!
Tuesday July 12, 2005 – Today is a day that I will never forget. It was about 3:00 P.M. and I had returned from a meeting away from my office. Just as I sat down at my desk my phone started ringing. Stephen’s phone number come up on my caller ID. I answered and Stephen said, “Hi, how are you?”
But he sounded very strange and breathy and was kind of stuttering. I knew immediately that something was up.
I said: “I’m fine”
Stephen said: “I got a call.”
I said, “you got a call?”
Stephen: “Yes, the call”.
I said (well probably I shouted): “THE CALL!!”
Stephen: “YES!”
I was in total shock. I was not expecting the call until next week and we got it today. Stephen said that his office was empty and that I could come over right then. And he said that we had an email with pictures in our inbox. I went searching for my boss to let him know that I was going to take a late lunch, but I could not find a single person in our department, so I sent him an email and took off!
As I was walking out to the parking lot, I was shaking and got sooooooooo thirsty, my mouth was like cotton. I jumped into my car and there was a bottle of water left over from yesterday. Sooooo, even though it was about 95 degrees in the car, I still took a sip. I drove as fast as I could to Stephen’s office and broke a few speeding laws in the process. I was going to get a picture of my little son, yippee! I finally got to the office and Stephen was waiting outside on the side-walk. As soon as he jumped into the car I started peppering him with questions.
Stephen got the call at 2:55. Our case manager had called his cell, but got a bad connection, so she called him back on the land line. She said, “I have a boy for you!” She gave Stephen the particulars, born June 20, 2005 weighing in at 5 lbs. and 15 oz, 18.8 inches long with lots of black hair.
I finally found a parking spot for the car. And kept peppering Stephen with questions and could not get him to answer them fast enough. He wanted to tell me all about how it happened, but I only wanted to hear about the baby!! We finally make it up to his office and went in and closed the door and Stephen pulled up his email.
We had planned to look at the medical info first, but we just couldn’t help ourselves, we just had to look at the pictures. We pulled up the first picture and our little guy was so cute and had so much hair! We looked at all 10 pictures and then looked over the medical report and then looked back at the pictures. It was like a dream. By the time we looked at the pictures the 3rd time it was finally starting to sink in, this is our little boy!
Our son’s birthname was Yeremi Ardami. Yeremi is the Spanish version of Jeremy. So we decided to name him Jeremiah Blake. We were sitting in Stephen’s office looking at the pictures for about the 4th time and I said rather out of the blue, “why don’t we name him Jeremiah Blake”. Stephen looked at me, repeated the name and said, “I like it”! I don’t know what made me think of Jeremiah, but it just popped into my head. We had already decided on the name Blake, but had not yet picked out a second name.
We sat in the office, just trying to take it all in that this baby was our little son and we both just kept staring at his picture and then Stephen said, “can we call and let everyone know?” So we started making phone calls.
I had this idea in my head how I wanted to tell my family, but I just could not wait, I had to tell right away! So we drove out to my parents house (it was about 5:00 P.M.) and I knew that my dad would not be home, but I just could not wait to tell my mom especially! I walked into the kitchen and said, “guess what, you’re a grandma!!” My mom at first did not understand, but I held out the picture and she just started to cry. Mom said, “Oh, he’s beautiful, but I need my glasses!” My sister Elizabeth and brother John were at home so they got in on the excitement too! It was so great and I just could not help but smile and stare at the picture of little Jeremiah.
I wanted to tell my dad, so after just a few minutes we jumped back into Stephen’s truck and took off to my dad’s office and started the entire thing again! I said, “congratulations, you’re a grandpa” and we told my dad all about his referral and all the info about his height and weight and stuff.
We had more people to tell and more phone calls to make when we finally got home. I never went back to work that day….but hey what could you expect…..my first son was born!!
Leaving on a Jet Plane
I was so excited that day…..I’m pretty sure I was floating. All day I just could not keep the smile off my face. I left work early, 4pm and got home to finish packing. I was so excited that I could hardly sit still. We finally got everything into the truck and pulled out of the driveway a few minutes after 6pm. As we were pulling out of the driveway, Stephen’s cell rang and it was our case manager. I had this strange feeling that she was not calling with good news. She said that our little son was in the hospital. She said he was fine and would get better, but she was not sure what type of sickness he had. I was so upset and was trying so hard not to cry. Our case manager said she would call us with any updates.
That helpless feeling is indescribable. Having a child in another country who is very sick and you can do NOTHING. The feelings are so hard to describe. The amount of love that I had for this little boy was amazing……. I already love this baby, not just any baby, but little Jeremiah Blake. I had not yet held him or smelled his baby smell. I’d never yet given him a kiss on his little cheeks or held him close, but I loved him!! It is an incredible thing how God links our hearts together.
After that call it was so hard to be excited about our trip. We arrived safely in Guatemala the next day. Our driver was waiting in the throng of people outside the airport holding a sign with our name. Another couple had arrived on an earlier flight, were waiting too. And just like us were going to meet their son for the first time. I think we formed an immediate friendship. Two crazy couples beginning our adventures into parenthood in a third world country. I remember thinking…..this is ok, we are not alone, we can do this!! After getting our luggage into the van we were on our way. Our driver said, “I have one question and I know you will say yes. Do you want to see the babies now?” He was right – we all said “YES!!”
When we arrived at the orphanage, Hannah’s Hope we found out that Jeremiah was still in the hospital, but our driver could take us to the hospital for a visit. We waited in the office they arranged with the hospital for us to visit.
I love this picture of Stephen…..he’s practicing dressing the teddy bear in preparation for bring Jeremiah home.
Pure Delight
Pure delight – I think that’s the best way to describe meeting our baby for the first time. It took us three floors and about 15 minutes of searching before our driver located Jeremiah’s hospital room. Praise God for our driver though because we would have never been able to negotiate that crazy hospital!!
When we walked in the room all we could see was a tuff of black hair sticking up out of the blanket. Jeremiah was soooo tiny! At first the nurses would not let us hold him…..I think they were checking out these crazy Gringos. So we rubbed his head and gently patted his back. One of my favorite memories is Jeremiah holding on to Stephen’s finger with his tiny hand!! Later in the afternoon the nurses said that we could hold him! What bliss!!!!!!!!!!!
Seeing Jeremiah and holding him for the first time was surreal. He was much smaller than we expected (even wrapped up in a few blankets we weighed next to nothing) but he was so much more beautiful than I had anticipated. Seeing all the tubes and needles in and out of him was very hard.
Both Stephen and I definitely loved this little guy and wanted so much to take him home and make him better. I remember thinking “I could sit and look at him all day”. Actually that’s exactly what we did!! There’s nothing much to do in a hospital room, but hold your baby and drink him in!!
Surprise
Friday morning I woke and immediately asked Stephen “what time is it?” (the clock was on his side of the bed), only 5:30!! Big bummer. I had almost 5 more hours to wait until our driver was scheduled to come pick us up. And we had to go back to the orphanage Hannah’s Hope and sign some paperwork before we could go back to the hospital and visit our baby boy. Time felt like it was dragging!
Jeremiah’s doctor, told us that he was doing much better today and we got to hold him almost the entire afternoon!! Our little guy got pneumonia and then had an allergic reaction to the medicine that caused his tummy troubles which caused him to become anemic.
But the real surprise was just about to happen!
About 5 PM our driver came to take us back to the hotel. When he came into the hospital room he was grinning from ear to ear and said, “family at hospital, I have big surprise for you. Good news.” We asked him what the surprise was, but he would not tell us. He just kept saying it was good! We said goodnight to Jeremiah and went to wait for the elevator to take us to the bottom floor. As we were getting into the elevator our driver says, “Good news! Jeremiah has a brother Carlos and he will be coming to Hannah’s Hope.” We could not believe it! We knew that Jeremiah had a brother and had asked if it would be possible for us to get a picture of him, but were told probably not. We were very excited and quite overwhelmed. It was not until after, at dinner that we actually understood the entire situation.
During dinner the director of Hannah’s Hope told us that Carlos was not at Hannah’s Hope for a visit, but his birth mom had relinquished her rights for Carlos and had made an adoption plan for him. Wow, talk about amazing! And talk about feeling shocked and overwhelmed!
The plan was that on Saturday before we went to the hospital to say goodbye (for now) to Jeremiah we would go and meet Carlos and spend some time getting to know him. The director was so helpful and caring. She said that this was a big shock for us and that we should take a lot of time to think about what God would have us to do and pray much about adopting Carlos.
We could not believe that Jeremiah’s birthmom brought Carlos to Hannah’s Hope the same weekend that we came to visit! Amazing!
After dinner we went back to the hotel and met in the lounge area with the two other families that were visiting their children. We spent several hours talking about all the awesome things that God had done for each of our families in our adoptions. It was getting late so we all held hands and prayed for each other and all of our children. It was such a sweet time. Both of these families are so special to us and God used them to encourage us. And the remarkable thing is that God gave all three families two beautiful Guatemalan blessings!
Lots of thoughts were going through my head that night… what is Carlos like? Will he like us? Can we adopt him? Why did his birthmom place him for adoption? And why now? What does Carlos look like? So many thoughts!
Our Second Beautiful Son
We arrived at Hannah’s Hope about 8:00 a.m. I was felling very nervous! What was this meeting going to be like?!?!?! We walked over to house #6 and into the downstairs part, around the corner to the right and into the small bedroom. A little boy in a red shirt and baseball cap was sitting at a small table eating breakfast. I just wanted to stare at this cute little boy, but we introduced ourselves to him and Carlos gave us a shy smile. He was not all that interested in his breakfast so his special mom took it away. Both Stephen and I felt pretty odd at first. We were not sure what to do or say and with our limited Spanish the saying part was really hard. But thankfully kids play the same in any language and soon enough we were on the floor playing blocks and cars with Carlos.
From time to time we would overwhelm him or perhaps the newness of the situation I’m not sure, but he would stop playing and scoot over to his Special Mom. She would encourage him and we would engage him again. Carlos really loved this big pink Barbie car. He talked away about “grande carro”. I’m sure he said other things too, we just were not sure what he was saying! His Special Mom said that he was doing really well and was a very smart little boy. She said he was very interested in figuring out how all the toys worked even though he probably never played with toys before and definitely never this many options. That first day we spent with Carlos, he was a little shy and uncertain, but that was quite expected as he had not yet been at Hannah’s Hope for even a full day. I cannot imagine the confusion he must have been feeling. Why was he here? Where was his birthfamily? Who were these white people?
Take Him and Go
On Monday, Carlos remembered us! And his Special Mother said that every time he heard foot-steps coming down the stairs he would ask if that was “Esteven” coming back to see him! Carlos even offered me one of his cookies, though he asked for it back after I ate it!!! Carlos was very taken with Stephen……he always seemed to migrate to Stephen. We noticed that Carlos was very observant of his surroundings and what was happening. When Stephen stood up from playing on the floor some coins jangled in his pocket. Immediately Carlos asked Stephen for money and said (through the translation of the Special Mom) he wanted to use the money to buy eggs. We were able to spend about 45 minutes with Carlos. I wished it could have been longer, but our flight was leaving soon and we could barely spare the 45 minutes we did stay.
Before leaving Hannah’s Hope we signed the paperwork for Carlos’ adoption. The director told us that we should take about a week or so to pray and get council before making a decision. We knew that our boys should remain together in the same family, we just weren’t sure if our family was the right family.
I cried most of our flight home. I loved Jeremiah so much and the thought of giving him up was excruciating. But I was terrified, how I could I be a parent to a 4 year-old AND a baby. Stephen and I had read quite a bit about adoption, about adopting older children, about RAD (reactive attachment disorder) and what we read was very scary. We knew almost nothing about Carlos’ birthfamily and his living situation. We didn’t know how to be parents. We had no idea where the additional finances would come from. But we did know a few things. We knew that God provides. We knew that God is in control. We knew that God had given us a huge heart of love for one tiny baby boy and He could do the same for a little 4-year-old boy.
That first week home was soooooo difficult. Stephen and I decided that we needed to seek council from two or three people and pray. So we told no one else about Carlos. It was so hard! I felt like I could not rejoice and be happy because I was not sure if Carlos and Jeremiah were going to be our sons. Our emotions were so high.
I had just started doing a Bible study with a group of girls from my church. That week we were studying Genesis 24. In this passage Abraham’s servant goes to find a wife for Isaac. As I was reading this scripture the last verses of this chapter were so powerful to me (v. 50-51):
Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, “The thing has come from the LORD; we cannot speak to you bad or good. Behold, Rebekah is before you; take her and go, and let her be the wife of your master’s son, as the LORD has spoken.”
Reading this verse I felt just like Laban and Bethuel. This “thing” (the situation) our son Carlos was from the LORD. Carlos was here before us and we should take him and go (bring him home and make him our son). Stephen and I had many conversations about the circumstances surrounding our trip to Guatemala.
1. We were approved to adopt two children
2. We held out on other possible referrals to accept Jeremiah’s referral
3. Adoptive families usually traveled to Guatemala Thursday/Friday and left on Saturday/Sunday. We found a flight for $350.00 each, but the return flight was on Monday. We decided the extra day was well worth the savings. And because we were in Guatemala on Monday we were able to sign the legal paperwork.
4. Our boys birthmom waited more than a month before making an adoption plan for Carlos. If she had placed them together at the same time we never would have received the referral since we were on the waiting list for one child and many families were waiting for sibling groups.
Stephen and I prayed, separately and together, we received Godly council, we talked and talked. And in the end I could not shake that God was saying, “Carlos is before you, take him and go.” And although God did not use this same verse with Stephen, he too came to the same conclusion. I love what Stephen wrote: “We know that this path will be hard and at times feel nearly impossible, but our God is a great God who holds the universe in His hand and knows the number of hairs on our heads. This idea of adopting two at one time was not our idea (trust us on that one!!), but His and He will guide our footsteps as we venture (or should I say dive) into parenthood.”
Has our dive into parenthood been easy…..No WAY! Would I trade our beautiful Guatemalan born sons……NEVER! Has God been faithful to our family……ALWAYS!
Our first Family picture in the United States of America
House of Smooches 