And here we go again!
We were a family of five! And so happy and in love with our new baby girl. Really, we could not have been more content with the “gifts” that God had bountifully given us.
Three years ago had passed since Stephen and I decided that we would stop the “trying and treatment” and that we would follow God’s nudging in growing our family through adoption. And what a blessed three years God gave us! During the 16-month wait for our boys to come home we experienced some really hard moments, but God was faithful! After Carlos and Jeremiah were home I found myself desiring to have more children, but not biological children. Our boys adoption was such a life changing process and experience that opened my eyes to another world that I just could not imagine going through the “trying and treatment” again! And then God brought Natalie into our hearts and our home in just 10 weeks from the time we started the paperwork! I have been amazed at how perfectly Natalie “fits” our family. Why I’m amazed I have no idea since this was the little girl God chose for our family since before the beginning of time!!
And then (if I can say this in a respectful and reverent way) God dropped a bombshell on us!
And then God chose at this time to give us our darling baby number four! Wow, what a shocked! I honestly never thought I would conceive. And you know I was totally fine with that, but God! On the day I told Carlos that we were going to have a baby he asked, “well how did the baby get in your tummy mommy?” Ok, deep breath….uhhhhhmmmm, oh this is easy….”Well God put the baby in my tummy”. And he was totally satisfied with that answer!! And that’s the right answer because it’s true….only God could do this great miracle!
I’d be lying if I said I was super excited about being pregnant. Honestly, in the beginning I just could not wrap my mind around the fact that I had a tiny baby growing inside my body! And I was terrified. At this point in my life I’ve been a mommy for one year and six months…..yes 1.5 years! By the time my new baby would be born I would have a 6 year-old, a 2.5 year-old, a 10 month old and a brand new baby! Four kiddos in 2……yes TWO years! Yes, I was terrified…..how could I possibly do this!!!?!?!
On October the 19th we learned that we were having a baby boy! The sonographer checked the boring things like the placenta first and then said the baby’s heart beat is 145 (much slower than the last heart beat of 164) and I had a quick thought….”I’ll bet this baby is a boy!!”. The sonographer showed us the baby’s legs and arms and different body parts and then she said, “Well, there’s his boy parts…..congratulations you have a boy”. And sure enough we have a baby boy!! And this boy is a wiggle worm!! He was moving all over the place and kept hiding his face…..I don’t think he liked the sonogram!!
Baby Ben! It’s nice to have a “face”, well at least a gender to put to this growing tummy bump!!
Around the beginning of November I had a little scare. I woke up on that Saturday morning with this weird pain in my abdomen. I have found that being pregnant brings on a lot of new weird pains in places you did not even realize existed. But for some reason this pain brought on a sense of panic for me. I tried to stay calm and think of all the normal pains and how this might just be one of those…..but it was really hard! And then it really hit me…..this was not just a pregnancy…..this was my baby…..my baby boy. I really, really wanted my baby boy and I love him. I want to see his face. I want to feel his baby skin. I want to hear his cry. I want to see his personality emerge. I want to be his mommy!!!!
I’m sure those thoughts most women have early on in their pregnancy, but I have to admit that it took me a while to first believe I was actually pregnant, second to get over the shock of being pregnant and then third to realize that this truly was my little son! I don’t think until this day that I actually thought about this baby bump as a little person, mostly because I’m pretty sure I was still in shock! And all of a sudden, I wanted this little person more than anything!
No worries, everything was fine and Ben was growing and VERY active. But I now have a new sense of love and longing for my little son!
It’s 7 days before my due date and Jeremiah was kissing baby Ben goodnight he said, “I no like baby Ben.” I asked him why not and he said, “that tummy too big. Go to doctor and doctor help make tummy better.” Yep that’s pretty much my thoughts too!! This tummy is getting too big!!
The night before Ben was born, I wrote this (and remember I’m now 6 days passed my due date!!):
There were two things that I told myself, if and when I ever got pregnant I would NEVER do! Ha! Don’t ever say stuff like that because inevitably you end up doing that exact thing! So I said, I will NEVER do the prego walk….errrrr waddle! Haha, I’m dying in laughter at myself right now! I’m basically at the point where I’m just glad I can get up off the couch and move across the room…waddle or not! And really who cares….not me, I’m just glad I can walk!
I will never do #2!! Let my bellybutton stick out!! Oh yeah, I’m never going to let that happen. And I really did try not to let it happen……yes, I even tried using a Band-Aid to “paste” it down. So not only was that super uncomfortable, but it didn’t work! And really at this point if you are looking at my big tummy your not looking at it because my bellybutton is sticking out!! No really you’re just amazed that I can still stand upright! Now that is an accomplishment!
Sunday March 2, 2008
I woke up this morning at 6:30 feeling somewhat strange. I had to pee (nothing new there), so I headed off to the bathroom. I also noticed that I seemed to be “leaking” again. I tried to go back to sleep, but had an awful tummy ache, so after about 10 minutes I headed back to the bathroom. Finally I went back to bed, but was having some harder contractions and just could not get comfy. About 7am I decided to take a shower. While I was in the shower Stephen woke up and asked me if I was ok. I said that I was having some contractions and that they were pretty close together. He said, “how close are they?” Me, “about 2-3 minutes, but they aren’t that strong”. He asked me to tell him when one started and then the next one. It was exactly 2 minutes apart. By the time I got out of the shower the contractions were much harder and still 2 minutes apart, but I could still talk through them!
Stephen and I talked about church and I was thinking I would go, just to take my mind off the contractions, so he went and got the kids up and gave them some breakfast. I tried to lay back down, but just could not get comfy. The contractions were getting worse and by 8:30 I knew that there would be no church for me today!! We called my mom just to let her know that I was probably in labor and to be sure to take her cell phone with her to church. About 9am, Stephen decides to call my mom back and ask her to go ahead and come to our house. By 10am she had not arrived yet (she had not packed her bags!!), so Stephen called her back, but did not get an answer on her cell phone. The contractions were getting very intense and were consistently 2 minutes apart. I would have a contraction, look at the clock and the know I had 2 good minutes before the pain started again. My mom finally arrived a little after 10. Carlos and Jeremiah were both really excited to see her and I was glad she came because then Stephen was able to stay with me.
The contractions were really weird. It was like no other pain I have ever experienced before and it’s really hard to describe it. Stephen tried rubbing my back (something I normally LOVE), but I just could not stand it. The only thing that helped was to squeeze his hand or the bed post. I tried laying down, but that was just not comfy. Mostly I just walked around our bedroom and then would grab the bed post when the next contraction came.
About 10:30 we decided it was time to head off to the hospital. I gave my mom the two sheets of info for the kids schedule and food and we headed off. I don’t remember much about the trip, but it did seem to last forever! We were almost to our exit and Stephen was not slowing down or showing any sign of getting off, so I said, “honey, were are you going, we need to get off here.” He put on the breaks and barely made the exit. Stephen said “Sorry about that, I don’t know what I was thinking but I was going to Community Hospital” (which has been closed since the summer!!). But we made the exit and had a good laugh.
We arrived at the hospital at 11:10…that was the time on clock in Stephen’s truck when we pulled into the parking garage (strange what sticks out in your memory). We made it to triage and the doctor on call from my group (who I had never even seen before) came in to check and see if I was actually in labor. At each place we went and with each nurse or person we saw, they asked me if my water broke. I got more and more aggravated about that question because I had no idea! And with my scare last week I was afraid to say yes and them just check me and say no….and are you a little crazy!! Well when the doctor checked me she said that yes my water had broke and I was 5 almost 6 centimeters. Whew, that was such a big relief!! I was so afraid of getting to the hospital only to be sent home!
We got to the birthing room and the nurse started all the questions again. I’m not sure why they had to ask my name and address 100 times but apparently it’s necessary to giving birth!! I cannot tell you how aggravated that made me! Hey I’m trying to have a baby here and I only get 1.5 good minutes and I need to keep up my energy not tell you my address for the 100th time! I had just about had all the labor I could take (I kept begging the contractions to “please please go away!!) and about 12:30 asked for my WONDERFUL epidural…ahhhh that was a great choice! It took a little bit to get it in right, three tries to be exact. It kept going to the left and not giving my right side any relief. Getting the epidual was hard because I had to sit on the edge of the bed bent down and sit perfectly still, even during the contractions and for some reason bending over made the contraction so much stronger. Stephen said the only time he felt a little queasy during the entire labor was when he looked over my shoulder and saw the HUGE needle going into my back. But after the third try it went in more or less on both sides and I started to feel good! Ahhhh bliss!
I was feeling very exhausted and decided to take a little nap. About 2:30 I told Stephen to go and get something to eat….since he was rummaging around in my bag looking for a snack and since he had not had anything to eat since breakfast. And who knows how long this labor thing was going to last anyway. So he decided to go get some real food at Subway. I again fell asleep until about 3:00 and then the nurse told me that I was at 10 and could start pushing!! I could not believe that I was already at 10!! Yippee!! I figured since Stephen had been gone for about 30 minutes that he should be back anytime. About 10 minutes later he still had now shown up, so I called him, “hey, babe, I’m at 10 and can start pushing….where are you?” Poor Stephen was like, “What?!!?! Your ready to push!!” He had decided to take his sandwich to his office and send out an email while he ate, so he’s downtown with no gas in his truck and I’m all set and ready to have this baby!!
So Stephen dashes out to his truck, runs a few red lights, puts a couple of bucks worth of gas in his truck and makes it back to the hospital in record time. At 3:30 I start pushing. And if we had known that almost four hours later I would still be pushing, he would not have rushed back to the hospital! By 7:15pm I was exhausted, Ben was not moving and the doctor said it was time for a C-section.
Over the past 3 weeks I’ve had this strange feeling that Ben is not safe in my womb anymore. I’m not sure why I’ve had that feeling, but from time to time I would get really scared that something was wrong with him, especially if I had not felt movement for a couple of hours. So after pushing with no success for 3+ hours, the doctor said we could try the vacuum and see if he just needed a little help. They were preparing for the procedure and Ben’s heart rate just went crazy and stayed crazy for a few minutes. Well, that totally freaked me out and all I could think was, “I have not come this far for something to happen to my baby. We are so close to getting him safely into the world.” So we decided to skip the vacuum and go right to have the C-section done. After that it was a blur of activity….getting prepped, nurses were changing shifts, paperwork to sign….crazy.
In the OR they gave me more pain meds, which made me shake all over….it was an icky feeling. Well, I was not shaking “all over” because from my shoulders down I could not feel anything! After they got me all ready, Stephen was escorted into the room. A lot of what happened is very fuzzy, but after a few minutes someone said, “here he is!” and then I heard that great sound, “wahhhh” oh that was so wonderful to hear little Ben’s cry!! At 8:06 p.m., we heard Ben’s little cry for the first time!! The nurse wiped him up and then let Stephen hold Ben. Stephen asked me if I wanted to see him and I said, “No!” It was all I could do just to get through the rest of the C-section, which was about 45 more minutes. I could only focus on one thing at a time. It was a very weird feeling not to hurt, but to feel someone “rummaging” around in my insides!! A lot of tugging. After a while I asked how Ben was doing because he stopped crying (he was doing just fine) and then I did get to take a peek at him!! I was so happy to see he had dark hair!
Stephen put this on his blog:
“Now for the particulars everyone is waiting for. Ben weighed 7 lbs, 15.8 oz. (couldn’t quite make the 8 lb. mark) and was 20.5 inches long. He has a bunch of hair (of course) and is so incredibly beautiful. I’ve always said that newborns aren’t all that cute, but look more like little pieces of bologna. I guess that’s because I’ve never seen my own newborn. 
After everything was all done, they wheeled me to recovery where we stayed for about 2 hours. I got to nurse Ben and take a better look at this tiny baby!! He does feel sooooo small! He opened his eyes and I think they ARE going to be blue! I prayed for two things….that he would have blue eyes and dark hair! He does have the dark hair…and time will tell for sure on the eyes.
Stephen called my mom (because she called several times) to let her know that Ben was born safe and healthy. Finally we were taken back upstairs and got our own room. I don’t remember very much about the night, other than a nurse came in about every hour (felt more like every 10 minutes) to check on something! I was so tired, but did not get much sleep!
The next few days were a little bit of a drugged up blur. I was very surprised at how sore my arms and back were (from all the pushing)…they hurt more than the C-section! On Monday afternoon, Stephen brought Carlos, Jeremiah and Natalie to the hospital to see Ben. Carlos’ first response was….”wow, mommy he is really tiny” (for some reason Carlos thought Ben was going to be born a 6 year-old). Carlos got to hold his brother for a while and love on him…but after a little bit a sleeping day-old baby is pretty boring to a 6 year-old!!
Jeremiah was a bit overwhelmed with the hospital room and seeing me in the hospital bed. When I asked him if he wanted to see Ben he said very quietly, “no!” Natalie was a little miffed at me for leaving her alone for so long and wanted nothing to do with mama…sniff! Since it was a warm day, Stephen walked with the big kids over to the park to play for a little while. When they came back to the hospital, Jeremiah was feeling a little braver and took a tiny peak at Ben. Natalie curled up on the bed beside me and drank her bottle and fell sound asleep!
Cute Story….right before Ben was born Carlos asked me to take this picture…..he was very concerned that Ben would not know who he was! He asked me to show this picture to Ben “as soon as he is born!”
And that’s the story of how God grew our family from 0-4 in 2 years, one month and 6 days!
House of Smooches 