Adoption always begins with loss.
Loss is a small word with such huge meaning. We’ve all experienced loss, even early in our lives as young children. And it’s true, we adopted because of a loss.
Adoption is often spoken of as a triad…….birth family, adoptive family and child. Because we’ve never met our kids’ birth mama’s, I don’t know from personal experience that loss, but I live every day with children who feel the loss of their first family. And I feel loss.
That loss has modeled me into a much different person than I would have been had I not experienced it. Do I ever wish I could go back and undo the loss and pain…….actually no! Because truly I wouldn’t be who I am today……very literally.
I was sure pregnancy would come easy and probably before I was ready, after all I come from a family of 7 kids. But it didn’t. Long dark months turned to long years of longing and loss. And a lot of asking why. Why God?! Why not me? The most dreaded day of the year……Mother’s Day. That day where I forced a smile on my face and wiped tear stained eyes and hoped I could muscle the courage to make it through the day. Empty arms. A body that malfunctions. If only I could will a baby, I would.
Loss.
Hurt.
Grief.
Ache so strong it takes away your breath.
When I think back to this period of time I remember that pain very vividly. Having kids hasn’t taken it away, even having a biological child. The scar remains and always will. Scars are not all bad, they are reminders of a battle…..a battle you fought and won!
And from this loss hope was born. Hope in a God who grows families in many different ways.
What has the school of loss taught me? It has given me empathy. This grief over what “should” have been gives me compassion when I see my children struggling with their own “should have been”. I know that loss. I’ve experienced it. Oh not the same loss, but still it’s a familiar companion.
House of Smooches 